Of An Old Facebook Note

This is a note I posted on facebook like two years ago...Lizzie asked me to post it on here. P.S. I don't know why the font is weird.

Galations 1:10. “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” I had a long conversation with God about this verse. People in my theatre talk about people behind their backs and I am not spared. It doesn’t bug me as much as it did six months ago. And yet, God pointed out to me the other day that it still matters to me what people think of me. When they say that I’m “super innocent” and I immediately want to prove them wrong, that means I sure do still care what they think. When people are shocked because I have people skills after finding out I was homeschooled, it still irritates me. But God was showing me that I need only please Him. If people think something that’s not true, who really cares? God does not need me to make Him look good. And my whole theme this semester has been to love people the way Christ loves them. Now I’m not saying that I should stop loving people. But I am saying that Christ is attractive enough without me. And my righteousness are as filthy rags. When people see me I hope they see a broken person who has no hope but in the Lord. He’s showing me that His opinion is the only one that really matters. I don’t need to prove to gay people that Jesus loves them because I love them. Jesus proves to them that I love them merely because He loves them.
I only need to please Christ. Not that I should be relieved or anything. I’m only trying to please the creator of the universe, the one who created the people who talk about me behind my back. It is truly a frightening thought. Surely it would be easier to please them! I am to please the Lord and seek his favor. Blessed is the man who can gain the favor of God. It is in this I find the answer. If I am so concerned with the opinion of one as great as the Lord God, then why even care about the opinions of the tiny minded, minuscule people. Hmm. Epiphany.

Tale of A Passionate Embrace...

See this? This is evil Colorado snow.
Here are some of the thoughts that went through my head last night as I was falling asleep: "Stupid skiing. Stupid, slippery Colorado Snow. I hate my shins. Nasty, horrible snow boarders who spit on the public walkway and don't watch where they're going. I'm NOT blogging about it. So there stupid ski trip."

But as spiteful as not blogging about yesterday would be, the world, as my roommate Caitlin pointed out, would miss out on the hilariousness of my story.

So. Not to compare...(but I'm going to compare) in California the snow is stickier, and thus I could look like I was good at skiing, and also be able to stop. In contrast, Colorado snow is way more slippery. So my normal way of stopping in CA sent me swooping uphill or sideways in CO.

Enough of this blather. Here's the funny story Caitlin thinks the world needs to know.

I was doing a run with my ski buddy Tommy, cause we're about the same skill level. Well, he was a ways ahead of me and so I let myself speed up just a little so I could catch up. But, as is the way in CO, speeding up a little didn't happen and I sped up a lot. So in trying desperately to stop (WHICH WOULD HAVE WORKED IN CA) I turned up a different run that was merging with mine. As I was doing this, I was thinking about how bad of an idea this was, but I was also thinking it was a better idea than running into a tree. Unfortunately for me, there was a hard core snow boarder who was also merging into my run. And yes. We merged. Together. It sounded like this: Him, "OH SH**************T!!" and Me, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH." Then there was a passionate embrace and we rolled around on the ground with each other for a bit. SUPER AWKWARD. Then we mutually shoved each other off, with many "Oh my gosh I'm so sorries."

Tommy saw me turn and assumed I'd taken a different run and thus, left me. So I sat there for five minutes pondering my fate, then finished alone.

So the moral of this story is that it's a good thing I have a sense of humor. Cause some girls would have been horribly embarrassed by this and cried. I, however, thoroughly enjoyed the sheer awkwardness of that moment with Mr. Snowboarder. I spent the next five minutes laughing to myself. I'm still laughing. I hope you are too.

On Being Creative

So, just so you know, I'm only obnoxious outside of class. Never in class. I hardly even talk in class. Except for this morning. For some reason, my filter was misplaced and I was spewing things from my mouth as I was thinking them. It would have been fine if it was a normal day with our normal professors...but no. We had a guest speaker. Had I known who he was, I would have probably made a conscious effort to remain silent...but as it was, I didn't, and thus, I wasn't.

The trouble started when he said that liquor tasted like cow pee. I promptly raised my hand and asked if he could please tell about the time he drank cow pee. Then he mentioned he was an ENFP and I spurted, "Me too!!" (Wait...I only meant to THINK that...) I resolved to shut up. Unfortunately, I really liked what he was saying and was getting really into it, and I yelled out "yeah!!" after one of his more passionate moments. At that point Lizzie looked at me and said "...who are you?"

Well y'all, this was no ordinary dude. This was Ron Wilson. He used to be one of the vice presidents of Focus on the Family. I didn't know this till AFTER I asked him if we could hang out. Yeah. We had lunch. It was amazing cause guess what? He has written a devotional for the creative person. And it blew my mind a little.

Here are the main points of the mind blowing. Ready? K.

1. The passage was about the creativity involved in building the Tabernacle (Exodus 25, 35, 36, 40.)

2. As a creative christian you have the ability to create tabernacles, or idols.

3. Then end result of creating something the Lord wants you to create, is His presence coming and filling it.

4. IF GOD HAS WRITTEN MY STORY, AND I'M FAITHFUL TO WALK IN IT...THEN TRUE CREATIVITY IS ACTUALLY JUST OBEDIENCE. OBEDIENCE TO WRITE THE SONGS HE HAS PLANNED FOR ME TO WRITE.

5. The Christian artist's job is to take what is unseen (or heard) and make it seen (heard). In his words, " Making a copy of an invisible reality."

So the moral of this story, Ladies and Gentlemen, is that sometimes I'm an idiot and talk a lot, but God is sovereign, and sometimes He allows me to be a dork so that I can make friends with cool people like former vice presidents who happen to be brilliant, and on fire for the Lord, and who give you encouragement when you really didn't even know you needed it. And here, I'll try and add a picture so more people will want to read this. Cause pictures liven things up.

This page fell out of my book and somehow stuck itself to my bed. I think it's funny.

Close up. :)

Of Amazingness on Valentines Day

A lot of people gripe about Valentines Day. Whatever. I've never hated the day, I'm not stressing about being single. Valentines Day at my house was awesome. My mom would get us all those little heart shaped boxes of chocolate, and then She and my Dad would exchange legit chocolate...so really...the only thing worth looking forward to about a V Day of non-singleness... is legit chocolate. Really? You can get that at Walmart if you look hard enough.
The best part of the night was this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agM-TJVLk-Y So. Freaking hilarious I almost peed a little.
This is my Axis team...remember? My rad internship I was tellin' you all about? Well these people are the ones I'm working with.
Like I said. Everyone was super cute last night.
This girl is called Hope. She and I are going on the same road trip for our internship. And she makes my heart happy.

The boys really outdid themselves. I like being treated like a queen by guys who just feel like treating us like queens. It's a good thing.
Dude I totally stole those heals from Lizzie...(secret...I can't walk in heals. Secret...it's not really secret anymore.) And her earrings too for that matter.
See? The silver crazy ones? Oh yes.
We got picked up at our apartment at exactly 5:05 and I was in my closet pretty much barely clothed at 5:05 on account of we drove around for days looking for a dress for Lizzie. Who by the way is a great shopper. She knows exactly what she wants, which means we spent about two minutes in each store. It also means that we went to about 15 different stores. I was ready to shoot something. But it was ok. And another successful Valentine's Day went down in my book.

Of Being a Slave

So today I did something I never do. I purposely went out to lunch by myself. Usually the amount of time I can be alone each day is the five minutes I spend in the bathroom. Then I'm lonely and bored. Ha. So I brought my Bible to Panera and chilled out and wrote in my journal. (I just tried to write "journaled"... which, turns out, isn't a word, according to my mac.)

God showed me one word in my Bible. Not even a whole verse. Just a word. Actually it's kind of two... "Bondservant" Ok so it's one, but it sounds like two. Anyway, He just deeply reiterated to me what it looks like to fast these four months. In case you were wondering He asked me to fast from guys for four months. A month ago. So I'm down to three. Not that I'm counting. ;) But in all seriousness, He showed me that in order to be a bondservant I must completely die to myself and my will for the sake of my Master.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a lip ring for a quite a few months now, mostly cause my friend Annabelle has one and she pulls it off super well. But I wanted there to be some spiritual significance to it so I could use it in my testimony, which is mainly why I don't have it yet...cause I didn't have a reason for it other than I think it's cute. But get this: when bondservants are freed after their seven years of servanthood, if they choose to stay, they have their ear pierced as a symbol of their life long devotion to their master. So, at the end of the four months, I'm gonna get my lip ring, as a sign of my life long devotion to my Master. I've been praying a lot about this, cause I didn't want it to be just a fashion thing. I feel like the Lord is gonna be okay with that. Proud of it in fact. :) Isn't that cool?

P.S. I totally had fun being by myself.

P.P.S. I know. I cheated. I was in a crowded coffee shop. So what?

It would go right there...On the left. Can you picture it? Right where Mrs. Darling's kiss is.

1:04

It's Saturday night. The Saturday night I've been looking forward to for so many reasons.

Reason 1. I love Saturdays.

Reason 2. I get to sleep more.

Reason 3. I had my first ever show tonight.

Yeah. That was the biggie. It was really chill, just all my friends in my house with coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. I looked forward to it and I had no idea what to expect. Nervousness? There was none. Pride? Nope. I began playing and sharing and as I looked into the eyes of the people listening I saw things I didn't expect. I saw pain. I saw...God. And I had a realization. I was born for this. The Lord has something to say to people and for some reason He wants to say it through me using my voice and a song. I had a peace that was just astounding. A peace that shouldn't have been there. I've performed a lot, being a music major and whatnot...and I know what it feels like to perform and I hate it. The jitters...the uncontrollable shaking of my hands while trying to play a stupid fugue by Bach (still bitter about that one, Mr. Bach.) This wasn't like that. It was almost like I wasn't even there. I just did what I do and was who I am. And it encouraged people. The best part of the night wasn't that people liked my music, but that hurting people were encouraged by my story and by what God did in me.

So many people were there, which of course was awesome. I felt so loved and supported...and by people I met just three weeks ago. I feel a little naked right now. Like I peeled off a layer of my heart and showed it to near strangers. But it resulted in people doing the same to me. Saying "Hey, yeah. I'm hurting right now." I'm not an amazing musician or a clever lyricist. I'm just a broken kid whose willing to empty herself and listen to the Lord. I have never been so aware of my flaws as I am right now. Even as the Lord is moving, speaking, and using me so strongly. All I can think about is how much I suck. And why did He choose me? I know this is kind of depressing, and I'll put up pictures and videos and the fun stuff tomorrow, I promise! The night was splendid.

In Which I Introduce You to My Child.

See the angry one? That's her. The one I dress every morning. Don't I do a good job? She's cute huh? All outfits are arranged and sometimes owned by me.

See how this adorable scarf (mine) accents the orange shirt and green sweater? Yeah I know. Amazing.Somedays she's a bad girl and gets rebellious about what I want her to wear. Like today for example... observe the pout.

I'm trying to teach her how to dress herself....

...It's a process.