Reason 1. I love Saturdays.
Reason 2. I get to sleep more.
Reason 3. I had my first ever show tonight.
Yeah. That was the biggie. It was really chill, just all my friends in my house with coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. I looked forward to it and I had no idea what to expect. Nervousness? There was none. Pride? Nope. I began playing and sharing and as I looked into the eyes of the people listening I saw things I didn't expect. I saw pain. I saw...God. And I had a realization. I was born for this. The Lord has something to say to people and for some reason He wants to say it through me using my voice and a song. I had a peace that was just astounding. A peace that shouldn't have been there. I've performed a lot, being a music major and whatnot...and I know what it feels like to perform and I hate it. The jitters...the uncontrollable shaking of my hands while trying to play a stupid fugue by Bach (still bitter about that one, Mr. Bach.) This wasn't like that. It was almost like I wasn't even there. I just did what I do and was who I am. And it encouraged people. The best part of the night wasn't that people liked my music, but that hurting people were encouraged by my story and by what God did in me.
So many people were there, which of course was awesome. I felt so loved and supported...and by people I met just three weeks ago. I feel a little naked right now. Like I peeled off a layer of my heart and showed it to near strangers. But it resulted in people doing the same to me. Saying "Hey, yeah. I'm hurting right now." I'm not an amazing musician or a clever lyricist. I'm just a broken kid whose willing to empty herself and listen to the Lord. I have never been so aware of my flaws as I am right now. Even as the Lord is moving, speaking, and using me so strongly. All I can think about is how much I suck. And why did He choose me? I know this is kind of depressing, and I'll put up pictures and videos and the fun stuff tomorrow, I promise! The night was splendid.
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