Pretty much I'm super tired. I don't really perform well when I'm super tired and when I don't perform well I tend to think that I'm not very cool cause my jokes get really lame and my thoughts prefer to stay in my head instead of coming out my mouth. It's quite aggravating.
I've discovered that when you walk in the center of the Lord's will you start seeing all the stuff about yourself that you aren't proud of. In this case, I realized that I'm a huge people pleaser and easily intimidated. When intimidated I get paralyzed. This is unfortunate and God needs to kick it.
On top of all this, I'm having super weird dreams. About an hour ago, I dreamed that I was in trouble with someone, so I dove into a canal of skittles to escape them. While in there I found out my house was on fire, and I also found a sick baby who was writhing in pain. I was on the phone with 911 when David woke me up. OK. OK. I have no. Idea. What that's about. It was a profoundly ugly baby for the record.
However, sitting here in this coffee shop, laughing at David making fun of us for our bad public speaking habits, being online, drinking coffee, and thinking deeply has been rather therapeutic. I know that the Lord is working on me, and I know that a breakthrough will come. I also know that He clearly has a reason for me being here, otherwise He would not have orchestrated it the way He did. I also know that it's my job to surrender to Him and trust that even though I'm not the most amazing public speaker right now, He'll help me grow, He'll help me do the best I can.
P.S. I further realize that I have a problem. It's not ok that in order to relax I have to get on facebook. It's so bad. I went with two days without internet and I was so stressed out. This is so not cool with me. I'm not sure how to remedy this...feel free to leave ideas.
No comments:
Post a Comment