I hate this.

I don't understand. I can't comprehend this horrible thing that happens to people every single day. Sure, I know the Christian answer about how Eve screwed up and Adam watched and now this thing happens. I know the story. But I don't get it. I can't understand that I won't see her when I get home. That she won't smile and wave at me anymore. That this horrible thing robs people of their dearest friends and family.

I hear that there's hope, and that I'll see her again in eternity. But I don't get eternity...and so I don't get the hope...the hope is incomprehensible, and thus, isn't comforting at the moment. She's still gone, and it's hard for me to believe sometimes that this thing I believe is good enough.

What is death? What is it like? What happens right after? What is a soul? Is there such a thing? Why is everything abstract? I see visions and dream dreams, I hear the Lord clearly...but this is the thing that I hate. This unknown, tragic, and scary thing that always happens. This thing that carries with it no joy. It makes you lonely. It makes you hurt. It makes you feel guilty.

I counted on her being there when I got home. I counted on her being at my wedding. She was so good when I left, and in just a few short days everything crashed and she was whisked away. I don't sound very Godly at the moment. But I can't comprehend death and I get tired of people throwing out "hope" to make us feel better about it.

I think the point is this: I know I'll see her again...but that realization is not in the least comforting right now.